dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize