Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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