just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
