I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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