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so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
