naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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