jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
