so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
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dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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