Plan B is the new Plan A
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
