Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
