Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
