I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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