Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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