my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
