I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize