matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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