I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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