its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
