Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
