It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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