His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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