I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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