I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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