Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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