low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
