A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
