I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
