Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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