just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's never too late to be topless.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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