Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
