I skipped work to stalk him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
