We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
