Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
