im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
