I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
