Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
