Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.