well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
