I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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