Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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