One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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