what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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