I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
