Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
