Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just had sex on a roof
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
