The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
