So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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