We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
