apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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