There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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