If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Couch. On fire.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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