By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
