i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
