Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
