Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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