Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
