My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
