Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she told me i tasted like america
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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