it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
