i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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