She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
