he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
