Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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