I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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