first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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