I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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