I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
