So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
