i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
