There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
